is making a difference possible?

For an entire complex that claims to have main principles on compassion, I have never worked with less kind individuals than when I started at a large hospital working in the cardiology organization.

I have a BS in chem that was supposed to set me up for becoming a doctor, but i learned literally nothing about being a doctor. I learned that i didnt want to be a chemist and that i had nothing to write about in a single essay, according to my private Christian college. (Yeah i know rough choices are my thing) so it was a horrible time so obviously not using that sucker,

so ive been a frankly amazing medical assistant for the past 3 years. I love working in organized chaos and actually seeing patients. I am able to connect with each patient and I genuinely know im on the right path. BUT

My switch from private practice to corporate hospital is to say the least, not a good time.

The first month was jarring and I had co-workers saying straight up rude things to my face out of nowhere and providers, I’ve dealt with rich white men and women but there was 4. Now it’s close to 50. Everyone is terrified of most nurses and the things i hear and read everyday make me so sad.

For starters, the diet talk and weight based care from patients, nurses, and doctors is insane. I feel like 89% of employees there are on diet and never fucking shut up about it. I actually made a sign on my desk that says please don’t talk to me about your diet, kindly i am not that person for you. Doctors prescribing patients diets and daily weigh ins, regardless of lipid status. THE FUCKING BMI SYSTEM THE ONE MADE IN 1832 AND CONTAINS NO DATA FROM ANYONE BESIDES WHITE MALES RUNS THIS FUCKING MEDICAL WORLD I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK HAS TO HAPPEN FOR PPL TO SEE ITS SO BAD.

I love getting to have my chance with patients, as the bottom of the totem poll who is not in charge, to say I think your body does an amazing job at working to get you alive and safe and we should send it good vibes. Or to be the one person who asks if they have weighed themselves recently, and take their weight from literally that morning bc everyone does!!!! , and use that instead of weighing them in the fucking hallway.

I love doing my charting and refills and prior authorizations are my shit. Every one I’ll get that shit approved without using the specialty pharmacy damn it!

But the people i work with are nice, but not kind. Every single person in that whole building thinks that they are working harder than the person next to them or the department over who scheduled something wrong. Everyone who is above 34 in Healthcare is jaded as all hell and what they say about the managers is true too!
(I had one ask me how my day was and I said horrible and they said well that’s how the best days are though right? Before leaving immediately)

I feel so disheartened to be able to make a difference and to continue A. My schooling towards physcian B. Fucking working in this field all together when everything is so far behind and damaged.

My big idea is compassion does not require understanding, like I dont understand why you would have to understand in order to just be kind. I know I was raised in an emotionally privileged environment but holy shit everyone just needs a fucking hug from their mom.
I don’t understand how to bridge the gap with people who aren’t interested in learning to understand when they claim that’s what they need. Or how to teach others to be kind in their care. Or how to not feel like this is all pointless.

I guess, am I the only one? How do you do it? Someone else has to be out there



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