I think I’ve made a huge mistake. Originally, until recently moving to a big city I lived in a small town. I really enjoyed my job there. I was in a community library. Most of the customers were nice, and I got in really well with my coworkers. I had no idea how lucky I was.
I had always dreamed of moving to a city, somewhere with more job opportunities and stimulation. The small town I’d been in was fine. But I’d been there for over a decade. I became depressed because I needed more.
So I moved to a big city. Hoping it would energize my life and challenge me.
It certainly challenged me. But it hasn’t re-energized me yet. My new job was at a university library, and I found it to be awful. There was basically nothing to do all day. I might talk to one or two customers a day. I was really lonely, and wasn’t clicking with any of my coworkers much in my team. My new manager was unfriendly and didn’t even pretend that my job mattered.
I let the loneliness and impatience get to me. Now I’m in a job that is genuinely awful. I’m a beauty advisor at a chain store. I can’t believe I gave up a stable career in libraries for this. I let an interest in makeup blind me to the reality of what working in retail can be.
My manager seems judgmental and distant. I can tell my coworkers think I’m weird. We aren’t allowed decent breaks. I wanted a faster pace, but the pace there is relentless.
I am afraid this new job will burn me out and I’ll have a depressive relapse. Just like I was afraid my university library job would underestimulate and bore me into another depressive episode. I’m afraid I won’t be able to go back to working in libraries. Basically I have the movers blues, I’m extremely lonely and confused. I just want someone to tell me I’m going to be OK and I haven’t ruined my chance at a library career. That I can and will cope.
If anyone reads this, thank-you for doing so. I know it’s a bit long.