How do I bounce back into my job after the first 2 months being so bad?

Long post, apologies..

I started a new job as a Finance Graduate at a very large technology firm in September and I think it’d be fair for me to say the past couple of months have been an unmitigated disaster.

In order to take the role, I’ve had to relocate to a new location, around 150 miles from my home town. The role has great prospects, the benefits package is very good, and the pay is good for the region I’m in. I also get fully paid for training towards my ACCA. It seemed like the perfect opportunity for me, having previously been in a dead end insurance job.

The job started off OK, I was introduced to the team & everything seemed to start of pretty well. However, working in a finance role, I joined right in the middle of what was month end – the busiest time of the month for the team. I was given a crash course of the job specifics over 2 weeks by my predecessor before they departed to their new location with the company. Not much of it stuck with me, so I’ve had training throughout.

After the first month end, I was immediately dropped in the deep end with financial year end for the company. I was given a list of tasks to do – a couple of dozen or so. Of which, I could only recognise half of the tasks, and even of that I could only do 1 or 2 by myself at that point. My training up to this point was being shown a 20-minute how-to, or process notes from 2018 which didn’t match the new files. Despite it being a requirement of my graduate program, I’ve done zero shadowing since my first week.

As I was still learning, I completed tasks slower than my placement manager would like which meant I missed most of the deadlines that were set (usually given 2-3 days prior). I made sure to tell my team if there was any deadlines I thought I’d miss, or couldn’t stick to. The response for this l was for the deadline to just “disappear”. I’d have much preferred someone to help me meet the deadlines, but management didn’t agree.

As this went on (about 3, 4 weeks in to the role), I started getting underhand comments about deadlines, not being up-to-scratch, and being compared to the person before – all while my placement manager was telling me it’s fine. Clearly, it’s not. I was getting frustrated with the lack of proper training, and not understanding why/how/what if the role & project I was on.

At the moment, we’re just finishing the first month end of the new year. It’s clear to me that the team I work with are frustrated with my performance, and consider me a burden to the team. I agree with them. I feel like 2 months in to the job, I should know what I’m doing & how to at least do most things.

I think I’m about 40% there, but despite my best efforts, including weekly meetings with a more senior member of my team & my placement i don’t seem to be getting anywhere fast. And it’s now at the point where whenever I try to ask questions about tasks / explain I don’t know how to do the task, it just disappears and I’m asked to do something else.

This job matches my skillset pretty much perfectly. Or at least, should do. It just doesn’t seem to be working out. My graduate manager (my line manager) things I’m holding myself to too high of a standard, and that’s why I might not be where I am. She also said that I shouldn’t expect to know what I’m doing 2 months in. But I still feel outcast in my role, and I feel like the boat has sailed to use the excuse of “training”. My placement manager has already mentioned “reconsidering the need for a graduate”, due to not meeting deadlines or giving the perception of “lacking punctuality”.

I feel like the opportunity to prove myself is narrowing, and fear it might end up with me being let go, which I really don’t want to happen.

So how do I turn it around from being so bad, to at least being good? What steps do I need to take, or do I need to express to my manager / team? Am I overthinking it/holding myself to too high a standard, or is there genuine reason for what’s happening and do I need to change something myself.

Happy to answer any other questions and I’d appreciate any advice/tips or criticism.

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